Regulars

If you attended this year’s Contraband Days Festival here in Lake Charles, then you were in for a special treat.  A man in pirate costume was seen strolling up and down the midway with a guitar, playing seafaring songs to the crowd.  No, that wasn’t the treat; that was me.  …

Yankee Land is bracing for another invasion this summer.  This time, it’s not the French, the British, General Lee, or even the Beatles.  No, this one is much worse.  They’ll be coming by the millions, seemingly from out of nowhere.  Not a single hamlet will escape the …

Four years ago, I pitched the idea of a column about a Yankee’s view of living in Louisiana to my good friend, Lauren, for her then-new publication. We were at a party, and I made sure to wait until the time was right—that is, at least two-thirds of the way to the bottom of the Crown Royal …

They say that as you grow older, you become more like your parents.  I don’t know who “they” are.  Somebody once told me it’s the Merchant Marines. I don’t know about that, but whoever said it is awfully wise.

While Yankee Land is still getting pummeled by Winter Storm Heathcliff (or whatever the self-appointed storm-namers at the Weather Channel are calling it), spring is in the air here in Louisiana. The signs are everywhere. Crawfish are running; daffodils are blooming; and sinuses are …

When my wife and I exchanged vows, I must have missed the part where the priest asked me to promise that I’d maintain all of her electronic devices.  He must have muttered it under his breath at some point, as agreed between the two of them beforehand.  There’s a lesson here—don’t …

Mardi Gras was special for me this year, as it featured my acting debut here in Southwest Louisiana.  It was in a big production, too—the presentation for the Krewe de la Famille ball.  If you didn’t catch it, I’m sure it’s out there on YouTube somewhere.  Just do a search …

My wife has trouble hearing sounds in the upper frequency range.  For the longest time, the only way she could understand what I was saying was for me to talk like Darth Vader.  Imagine, if you will, a Dark Lord of the Sith, going around in his Star Destroyer saying “Yes, dear,” …

I’m currently reading the autobiography of Keith Richards, undead guitar player for The Rolling Stones. I must say that I’m stirred by how he candidly discloses the facts about his heroin addiction. The drug is a cunning seductress, one that slowly gains control over your life until, before …

The holiday season that has just passed is a time when many folks take to the roads to visit loved ones. This year, we were no exception. We dutifully loaded the pickup and pointed it north for the two-day drive, doing our part along the way to help sustain the economies of several …

It’s December, and Christmas season is now in full swing. If your house is not yet decked out for the holidays, it’s probably because your particular faith does not observe Christmas. You may, for instance, belong to a cult that worships bundles of sticks and mud. If so, I sincerely hope that your …

Some friends recently invited us to their mortgage-burning party. I wasn’t all that excited about going, particularly since we had just re-upped with our lender for few more decades. My wife saw things differently, however. “Why should it matter?” she asked me. “The fact that you’re not Mexican …

For my wife, watching the Macy’s Parade on television is the absolute highlight of Thanksgiving Day. Nothing else really matters to her. My efforts to deep-fry the turkey could morph into a re-enactment of D-Day, but so long as she gets to see the parade, she’s good.On Thanksgiving morning, she’s …

About three hours from Southwest Louisiana is the hamlet of Plantersville, Texas, home of the Texas Renaissance Festival. The festival attracts thousands of visitors each weekend through the autumn months. They come to experience how life must have been in the simpler times of centuries past, when …

I must say that I’ve been making tremendous progress getting my act together. I’m eating all of the right foods. I’m exercising. I’ve improved my productivity to where I can watch 37 hours of Beverly Hillbillies reruns in a single day. I’m really proud of myself.There’s just one more area where I …

As part of my campaign to get organized, I finally buckled down and cleaned out my email inbox at work. I started by sorting the messages from earliest to latest, and, while going through the items with “Y2K” in the subject line, I was gladdened by the fact that I’ve only had e-mail for about …

Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything that’s going on in my life. I’ve got a lot of irons in the fire—a full time job, a column to write, and a house on a half-acre of rain forest waiting to happen. How’s a guy supposed to keep on top of all that, especially now that football …

It’s September again here in Louisiana. This is the time of year when you turn on the local news and get, at most, five minutes of actual news coverage, with the remaining time about evenly split between high school football and the tropical weather update. “The National Hurricane Center predicts …

I recently had the pleasure of attending the first ever Fat Tuesday Pub Crawl, a benefit for the Mardi Gras Museum of Southwest Louisiana. The museum’s traditional sources of funding, much of it from government grants, have been drying up of late, and so they had to find new ways to raise funds for …

Here I am, finally, sitting in the dining room of my sister’s house. I’ve just arrived after driving for two days, half of it going the last 50 miles into Yankee Land. Now I remember why it’s been eight years since I’ve made this trip by car. The contrast is amazing. It took me the same amount of …